Husband of a Different Kind
by Jedi Jesi Jiin
Summary: Someone once asked me about my 'ideal husband' I nearly laughed in their face.
1. Survey Says

**Husband of a Different Kind**

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 _ **A/N1:**_ _I do not own Star Wars._

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 **Survey Says…**

It happened while I was on a mission for my master. Since I was supposed to blend in and act as one of the crowd, I was caught up in something I normally do everything to avoid.

But, in an effort to maintain my cover, I did as was requested.

Someone approached me and asked me to take a survey on what I wanted in a husband.

I nearly laughed in the man's face.

However, once I saw that he was completely serious, I managed to put my years of training to use in keeping a neutral expression.

I reluctantly agreed, realizing that in doing this, I would be able to get closer to my target.

However, to say that I was distracted once the survey itself was placed in front of me would be an understatement. I read through it briefly per the instructions before filling in my answers.

I was so out of my element, I realized. The thought of a husband had never once crossed my mind… and the idea was utterly ludicrous anyway. Who would want to be married to the Emperor's Hand?

And in any case, my master would never allow me to form such an intimate attachment. And if I did, would he not find some way to use it against me?

So I just filled in whatever answers my eyes first set upon. Thank the Force it was multiple choice.

Afterward, I hastily glanced around for my target… panicking when I realized I had lost them. But I did find him a short time later, to my surprise, in one of the shops. I tailed him and ended his sorry life once I had him alone.

So now, on my way back to Imperial Center— formerly known as Coruscant— I have nothing to do but think.

And blast it if that stupid survey doesn't keep coming back to mind.

Knowing myself well enough to realize that if I don't give this nagging thought its due attention it will keep bugging me, I give in.

In the extremely unlikely occurrence that I was to marry… what _would_ I want in a husband?

Someone practical, certainly… loyal, obviously…

I purse my lips. He would have to be a looker… why not, right? Maybe a tall man with a good build, dark hair… and vibrant eyes.

The guy would have to be able to put up with my way of life, and my actions as the Emperor's Hand.

One of the questions from the survey had been if I wanted someone older, younger, or the same age.

I give that question a little more thought. Would it be better to have an older man? Someone with a little more life experience, perhaps? Or a younger man who would look up to _me_ for greater understanding?

Finally I settle on someone the same age. Why not? Then we'd been evenly matched.

I recall one other question that had indeed given me pause despite my situation: _What would be your ideal husband's best qualities?_

A fighter, someone who could keep up with me: I refuse to babysit a man. He should be grown enough to handle his own. My husband would be someone with a sense of humor… and one with a good shield against the stupidity all around him. And… he'd have to be tough…

Though, if I dig deep, deep within myself, I honestly know that the most important thing to me would be that he loves me and only me. No matter what, and until the end of time.

I grimace. If my master could hear me now, mulling over such sentimental mumbo-jumbo, he'd be furious.

Resolutely willing away any and all thoughts of marriage and 'ideal husbands', I clear my mind and focus on getting back to my master.

Besides, I'll never be married. It's not in my future… not if Palpatine has anything to say about it.


	2. Re-prioritizing

**Re-prioritizing…**

I sigh and sit back in the pilot's chair, watching the starlines of hyperspace after I make the jump to lightspeed.

It had been a successful trade, one in which I even got a good tip for delivering the goods a little early. I put those funds into saving for later, a habit I picked up after beginning to work for Talon Karrde.

Before he hired me, I was living in hell-holes all over the galaxy; trying to make enough to just eat… never mind having a roof over my head.

When Palpatine died, my life was shattered. All my importance… gone in the flash of his death. But it's been a few years now, and things have settled down between me and a certain Jedi Master I was supposed to kill.

But though I would never admit it to him, I am glad I didn't.

Shaking my head to clear it, I sigh and make my way to the _Jade's Fire_ 's galley, where I make myself a snack. It's a two-day journey back to the _Wild Karrde_ , where I will more than likely be drafted into another shipment run.

But I don't mind. Talon has been more than kind to me, and I owe him everything: hence my loyalty to him and his organization.

The timer chimes on the food-processing unit, and I take the now-hot food and sit down at my tiny table. As I eat, my eyes fall upon the empty chair across from mine, and idly I wonder what it would be like to have that seat filled… on a more… _permanent_ basis.

A ghost of a smile touches my lips as I recall that survey I took all those years ago: how I scoffed at the very thought of marriage. But now, after my life has settled down again— as much as mine ever will I suppose— the thought seems more appealing to me.

I also know my views on that 'ideal husband' have shifted. I've re-prioritized so much of my life, so why not that too? After all, if I have changed, shouldn't my expectations for a husband shift to fit my newer lifestyle?

I leisurely munch my food as I contemplate the matter much more thoroughly than I ever had before. I remember my callous and one-minded approach to the idea of marriage, and of what I'd want in a husband.

It was, I suppose, a look into how single-minded my whole existence was then.

I take a deep breath to cleanse myself, and ponder.

Some things remain as they had been: I want someone who can hold his own, and who is loyal. Those are a given in my mind.

But now that I am older, more experienced in life outside of what Palpatine had all planned out for me, I have also relaxed some of my expectations.

Age, for example: I really don't care so much about his age, so long as we're pretty close. I don't want someone old enough to be my father, or a child of a man when compared to me. But as long as he's got a good heart and remains true to me— to 'us'— then I will be happy.

I still want him to be handsome, though I supposed that's all a matter of opinion, isn't it?

I note the silence in my ship, broken only by the usual hum of the engines, and the other ticks and beeps of ship systems. Usually I find the quiet welcoming, but today it just feels… lonely.

It would be nice to have someone to make conversation with… just for the sake of having a conversation. How much more would I look forward to these trips away if I could spend the time with my betrothed?

Along that line of thought, I want someone who will listen to what I have to say. Even if he may not agree with me, he'd still find what I have to say interesting.

How exhilarating would it be to simply take a walk as those sappy holo-vids showed, and talk as we moved? I don't think I would care where so much as that we'd be together. Maybe we'd even hold hands, though deep down I know that public displays of affection aren't really my thing.

Behind closed doors or with those I trust the most would be different.

I realize I'm tired, and so I clean up and move to my cabin, where I then get dressed into something a little more comfortable, and settle between the sheets. I sigh, eyeing the empty space bedside me lazily.

I find myself wondering what it would be like to fall asleep beside a warm body; to watch him fall asleep, or vice versa?

And how amazing would it be to have the strong, yet loving arms of a man around me? To feel his heartbeat beneath my cheek as I snuggle into him, with my head resting on his chest, watching the strong, hard planes of his breast rise and fall steadily.

What would it be like to gaze into the eyes of someone who loves me for me?

I sigh, no longer under the pressures of mind I was when the Emperor's Hand. That freedom, I realize, is unlike any I have ever known before. I don't have to worry about how Palpatine will react upon my return for thoughts such as these.

Slowly my eyes close, and my mind drifts on its own.

And just before I fall into a deep sleep, a pair of blue eyes appears before my mind's eye… and I feel at home.


	3. A Man Like Him

**A Man Like Him…**

We are settled into bed, my favorite time of the evening. He lies down, and I settle beside him, using him for my pillow as we both de-stress form our long day. I press close to him, feeling his warmth sooth the aches I gathered throughout my day.

When his arms encircle me tenderly, I wonder how I ever did without this… why I denied myself— and him— this for so long. I am truly home whenever my husband holds me.

As I watch his chest rise and fall in the steady rhythm of his breaths, I smile; listening to his heart beat its own pace. I breathe in his scent, letting his musk fill my senses until I am satisfied. I love the smell of him: hot and sweaty after a workout, his skin glistening with perspiration… or fresh and showered, smelling of the simple soaps he prefers.

His skin, rough and calloused in places, is nevertheless smooth and warm, something I love. His torso— stars, his entire body— defined and toned to perfection as only a Jedi Master's could be, is not excessively broad or tapered… but just right. His muscles are not for show.

My eyes drift upward to his face, and I trace the contours of his visage, from that adorable cleft in his chin to the scars left behind from his time on Hoth. I decide that on any other man, the scars would be defacing. But on my husband, they only add to his character… they make him appear more mature, an outward sign of just one of the many hardships he has faced.

My favorite feature of my husband's face is his beautiful baby blues, framed by locks of sand-colored hair. Those eyes of his, they are the windows to his soul… the one place I can truly read him without the Force. Those eyes have captivated entire crowds, and can go from tender and loving to fierce and dangerous in a heartbeat. Many an enemy has cowered beneath that gaze.

My husband smiles at me when he catches me watching him, and my heart soars. His smile is such an indicator of that good heart I always thought my husband should have. He is a kind, loving soul who would lay down his life for a total stranger… or for me.

I smile back, shifting so I can kiss him. As our lips meet, I relish in the taste of him. I love his kisses; they make my heart flutter, even after two years of marriage.

And when he makes sweet love to me, I have absolutely no doubts that I am the only focus in his mind. He cherishes me, as I recall wanting my 'ideal husband' to. Only, he takes it a step further.

He does not just love me in body and mind… but in spirit. He and I share a connection, so deep and intimate that at times it's hard to tell where the one of us begins, and the other ends. But when I contemplate it further, I am completely okay with that, because it means that we are truly one.

My husband has a witty sense of humor to help him withstand the trials life throws his way in great abundance. Being a Jedi Master requires that of him: the strength of will and character to stay true to oneself no matter what. He also takes my often irreverent humor in stride, but not just that: he runs with it and then he chuckles with me.

His laugh is music to my ears. He has many types of laughs, but it's the one he uses when it's just him and me that I cherish above all others.

When I settle back down, closing my eyes, I recall with a pang that my beloved _Jade's Fire_ is no longer with me. As such, that empty seat at my table forever remained empty. But that's okay, I know, because the table on my new ship— the _Jade's Sabre_ —is never empty… not really.

My husband has filled my heart with light as no one has before, and I wonder if that radiance will ever dim. I hope not. I count on if, far more than I would have admitted in the past.

I know he is not a perfect human being, but he _is_ the perfect husband, in every sense of the word.

A smile graces my lips as I also recall wanting my future husband to be a listener. Well, he has said that he loves our talks, and there have been times when we've stolen moonlight or sunrise walks among the jungles of Yavin IV. Sometimes we don't talk, and don't need to, but others we fill the silence with what some would call meaningless chitchat.

But to us, it is anything but meaningless.

I sigh contentedly, feeling my husband's arms tighten around me in response. My beloved has made me feel loved, wanted and important in a way no one else has ever come close to achieving. He treasures me as he would a rare Kaminoian king oyster's prized pearl. He keeps my confidence without question, and he stands steadfastly by me, even when he knows I am wrong.

He is so proud and happy to call me his wife, and he rarely hides anything from me. Honesty is one of the foundations to our marriage, one we both steadfastly adhere to.

My husband puts me first, and I am above all else in his mind, his life. He would give up his position as the head of the Jedi Order if I asked him to. But I would never. It would change him… break him. And that I would never wish for.

I love him with all my heart, mind and soul: and I know he feels the same. He never hesitates to tell or to show me, whether it be in small or large ways.

If I could go back to that moment in the past and take that survey anew, I know without a shadow of a doubt what my answer would be.

My 'ideal husband' would be Luke Skywalker.

I would settle for nothing less.


End file.
